Cold Water

by Irene Bowen

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    trigger warning: r*pe (song 11)

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03:16
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01:15
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03:48
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01:38
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11.

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trigger warning: r*pe (song 11)

credits

released March 4, 2017

All songs recorded, mixed, and mastered by Sean Sebastian at Bard Rock Studios

<3 Special thanks to Kelli for her supportive, passionate, and inspirational teaching and to Sean and Juliette for their kindness, love, and magic <3

album art by Frankie and Irene

all songs written and performed by Irene Bowen

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Irene Bowen Seattle, Washington

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Track Name: Jonas Song
i want you to call me and I want you to say
" hey I'm coming to your town, can i visit you house and give you the present that i made? cuz i miss you and i love you and I've been thinking of you"
but that's not what you'd say
and you don't call me, anyway
I wanna love somebody who would call me to say
" hey i met this tree and it reminds me of you cuz it smells so good and it's covered in moss so it's soft and it's living next to the river cuz it loves the river like you do, and i love you."
now when i call you i don't tell you about the trees
i don't think you quite understand what beauty means to me
do you think I'm silly?
at night when i do my magic in my room
you appear you hold me and love me like you used to
i don't want you
if we were just souls, i mean our souls they were so close but you've got a body that moves, you do the things you do
i don't want you in my room
I'm glad it's finally raining
I'm glad that I'm alone
i like my knew roommate
i like my new home
Track Name: Why Can't I Just Let You Die
wrap you up in my time, and I'll tuck you into a corner of my mind
I want to float til I'm glowing blue, and this ocean might swallow you
you wanted to rot to your bones
root in the dirt, yeah she's calling you home
I scooped you out in time, but your mind's still floating in the brine
why can't I just let you die?
I can't trust you, you stab branches through my chest
I can't trust you, you tore me through my favorite dress
why can't i just pass you by?
I used to write you like you were glowing gold but i would dream that you were leaving me
feels like my love for you's a feeling growing old, it's a love for someone that I'll never be
wrap you up in my time, and I'll tuck you into a corner of my mind
why can't I just let you die?
why can't I just let you die?
Track Name: Only Seventeen
I wanna want go back to the park when the leaves are falling, the day getting dark
then we could eat ourselves back to the autumn time
I wanna feel those spores flooding my mind again
eating your words like I don't remember what you said, but if i keep trying to repeat it then maybe I'll find the words to say why I'm so afraid that I'll die before my baby's born
and I'll plant a nice garden, and play lots of music, and help my children not to forget their magic
so hopefully when i die i won't be too lonely
and i'll be happy to go where I'm going or where I've been all along
maybe I'm just floating too
I want to grow older and younger with you are not the reason that I'm getting stronger
reason, what reason? It's taking me longer to digest the nouns that I tried to use to describe something beautiful
i must have lost my mind
I keep seeing these tiny specs floating all over my eyes and I feel like I'm dreaming
and yeah I'm "empowered" but I'm still and object for people to touch and to buy and to look at
and i love my body and i love this lipstick and you can look at me for free as long as you don't touch my ass on the bus
and please don't talk to me
i don't want to be a symbol for femininity that these men keep selling to me
and they're making a lot of money
but I'm only seventeen
Track Name: Cold Water
i wish you could understand why I gotta swim in the cold water
i wish you could understand how I'm excited to grow old in a garden with the seeds that I'm growing
grow up
never grow up
i wish you could love the things about me that i love but you don't
i wish you would want me glow floating in this ocean, but you won't
i guess you're not the one for me cuz you don't wanna learn how to love me
i guess you're not the one for me cuz you dumped me
Track Name: Papa
You're too old and you're too old and you're too old for me
you're too old and you're too old and you're too old for me
what do you see when you look at me ? sexy
it's kinda fucked up, you're kind fucked up, i want you to want me
it's kinda fucked up kinda fucked up don't really care so much
papa oh papa it doesn't mean anything
papa oh papa
you don't mean anything to me
baby
I'm your baby
fucking scary, not to me
Track Name: Moss on the Roof
There's moss on the roof
i don't look at you
it feels likes i'm dreaming
there's moss on the roof, i don't look at you yet
the stars they are talking to me
the trees showed me their faces before, now it's too dark to see
hide me
escape from my time, fold into your mind
find me

too young, too much for you to touch
too too too much 1234 you to touch
too too too much 1234 you to touch
666 on your wrist
666 on your wrist
devils talking
sleeping walking

drunk and alone
i don't want to call you
and I could drown now but i won't
i went to the woods where i used to be magic
and walked on the path that i dreamed and it wasn't
as big as it's meant to be
it wasn't sunny
i think I'm growing out of my memory
escape from my head, fall into your bed
bad timing

too young too much for you to touch
too too too much 1234 you to touch
too too too much 1234 you to touch
666 on your wrist
666 on your wrist
devils talking
dreaming walking
Track Name: Lucid and Lonely
got myself crazy for you
got myself high
i won't be your baby, for you I'm not gonna try
I'm a girl I'm not a child
i wanna feel lucid and lonely
i wanna come down
i wanna feel whole, not holy sitting on this ground
I've got this power moving through me
you love me and my power but now you suck the light out of me
I don't like your magic, it's careless and dark
but i long for your magic
can't be part of your art
i get so far from my body
but not yet letting it die
i get so far from my body i forgot how to cry
you said you wouldn't touch me, but that's all you fucking do
when i really don't, don't want you too
I'm sorry please leave me alone, you're too old for me
I'm sorry just leave me alone, I don't wanna see don't wanna see don't wanna see don't wanna see you anymore
Track Name: Talking to a Man (but then I'm talking to somebody else)
Can't hide in my house so I'm hiding outside
hiding in my car, hiding while i drive
i wish somebody would come to see me
but i don't wanna see anybody and that's fine
everything i look at is moving around
the sky, walls, water, dark holes in the ground
sitting in a room i can see everybody souls
floating off their bodies and into my world

i want somebody closer to me closer to my body
i want somebody close to me close to me close to my body
i want somebody close to me, close to my body, close to my heart, close to my house
i want somebody closer

keep waking up from dreams about them raping me again
and I'll say rapes not quite what i mean
but it's really what i meant
and if i talk to you and I'd really have to talk about it
and i don't wanna talk about it anymore
i don't know how to get this fucking poison out my body
cuz some of the things they do i also did to other bodies
and we talk it's ok, think we're ok, I'm still really sorry
but it makes a lot of sense we'd wanna hurt my fucking body
makes a lot of sense that they would hurt my fucking body
makes a lot of sense that they would hurt me fuck my body
fuck my body

start to think that i don't hate you
then i miss you some the times
but it's still fucking with my body
you're still fucking with my mind
then i see you out around, i think that everything's alright
think i like you, think i love you, think i wanna spend the night
yeah i like you, fucking love you, slip right back into you life
but when I'm finally alone it feels like parts of me are dying
the parts i love the most I've got locked away in your room
and i can get a taste if i come give some more to you


don't wanna go where they go don't wanna go where they've been
cuz every time i go back i get that feeling again
like i gotta fuck somebody mean
gotta get really high
and i don't wanna go back
i wanna keep myself alive
so yeah, i really miss you, really love you, really do
but you're going where they go and doing things that we used to
and you don't even try to see me, i think you think I'm really wrong
and it really hurts my feelings
like it better when you're gone
I love the things we make, love you so close, loved you so long
either you can't care about or you think I'm really wrong
and if you can't care about it, you're not caring about me
so i won't see you, I won't call
you choose to go where i can't be and you don't come to see
I wanna be happy
you don't come to see me
i choose to be happy